A Kiss on the Forehead

Encountering Heaven in Every Day Life

Cleaning that closet…

You know that one closet?  You know, the one that, over time, has gotten sooooo messy and chaotic that you get overwhelmed, and instead of taking everything out and clean it, you choose to simply close the door and pretend like it’s not there?

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That’s kind of how I’ve been toward writing lately. And honestly, I think that in moments, that’s how I’ve been toward my heart.

I know writing is good for me. I know I have things to say. But quite honestly, these last five months or so have been so chaotic, so full of confusion and frustration and joy and busy-ness and transition… I’ve had so many thoughts I’ve wanted to put to the page, but haven’t known where to start. I’ve been overwhelmed, so I haven’t even entertained the thought of sitting down to write. 

First, a brief synopsis of what’s happened since you saw me last…

  • We spent a month at home with family and friends. We were refreshed.
  • We celebrated Buddy Bear’s first birthday. We were sad and happy all at once. How QUICKLY time passes!
  • The theater company I was a part of went through a major change and temporarily ceased to exist. I grieved.
  • We went on our first EVER vacation and our first EVER cruise (it was the same trip, but a lot of firsts!). We enjoyed one another.
  • We got (SURPRISE) pregnant. We struggled with that, because the timing was “wrong.” Then we got excited about this blessing.
  • We miscarried. We felt “teased.” I was angry.
  • We hosted a “Love and Respect” couples study in our home in an effort to make some new friends. We had fun stretching ourselves.
  • We got (SURPRISE) pregnant again (and yes we know how that happens). We were elated.
  • We found out it was TWINS. We were terrified.
  • Buddy bear started walking. Our lives changed.
  • We lost one of the twins around 12 weeks. While we were overjoyed the other was healthy, we were devastated
  • We struggled with knowing what to do next for Mr. Right’s internship, since it was supposed to be overseas, but the pregnancies and lack of funding were making it difficult. We prayed
  • Doors opened to work with a ministry in the city instead. God instantly provided. We rejoiced.
  • We prepared to move across the country upon Mr. Right’s completion of school. We lived in chaos.
  • We celebrated Christ’s birth with family and friends. We rested.
  • We moved two hours south to the city. We will be here for two months. After that we have no idea what’s next. But, we are trusting.

I don’t share all that to say “look how crazy my life is.” I know that, in comparison to many people, my last six months have been a cake walk. But I know that some of you out there are in the same place as I am, and I want to offer you encouragement.  Frankly, I walked into this new year exhausted. Once having the heart of an adventurer, I currently find myself longing for stability, for a firm place to stand. I often picture this as my husband working a stable job bringing home a steady income and living in a home for more than 8 months at a time. But realistically, that’s not what He’s called us to right now, and that’s not the path we are walking right now. 

And yet, I’m grateful for the instability, because it makes me cling to the only consistency in the chaos.

“For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him

He only is my rock and my salvationmy fortress; I shall not be shaken

On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rockmy refuge is God. 

Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him

God is a refuge for usSelah”  Psalm 62:5-8

In HIM, life isn’t quite so overwhelming.

So come on, heart. It’s time to let God clean out that closet. It’s time to be poured at His feet. It’s time to rest in His salvation. It’s time to stand firm on the Rock once again. Only in Him can we find stability.

 
 

 

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